he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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