Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
