Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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