What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
