Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Randomize
