We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
