Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
