Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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