Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
