What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
