I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
