a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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