my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
