I don't think brook has ever known best
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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