It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm lost and stupid without you.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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