I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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