Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
