dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I wear drunk well.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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