Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
