I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
being pregnant is like rehab
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
