the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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