you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
