we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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