the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
