Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
