i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
