it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
