So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
