Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
