Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
