At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
