All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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