We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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