I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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