Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
