did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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