I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
