i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
