so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
