just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
