Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
