Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
