i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
