we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
