I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
