No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
