Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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