I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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