I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
