Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
